Indeed*, no-one really tried to convince me one way or the other, mostly just listening to my self-talk about the possible follow-up scenarios of choices to be made, and accepting of my views either way. (thanks Robin, Pax, Matt, Amylin, and whoever else was an ear to those monologues in the past weeks...)
The story of the job: I posted my resume on monsterboard.nl way back in Finland. A Dutch recruiter started pursuing me, very persistently moving me forward, step by step, in the recruiting process for one of their clients. I just went along with it, being all whatever about the outcome of each step (being relaxed like that helps, apparently, to get further, and I seem to be cursed with employers loving me too much in any case...). And still being too nice to say no, ended up saying yes to a huge corporation (which was the total opposite what I came here to do, how ironic), thinking it might speed up my integration, housing, and the money-security would not be too bad either.
2,5 weeks at the job were not (really) bad, the office was nice as far as offices go, workmates more talkative than my usual experience with Finnish geeks, and working times the most liberal I've experienced (be there anytime between 6am and 9pm, as long as you do your 36h / week). But something was not right, and most nights I did not sleep well at all, waking up to thoughts like:
* "How much money does one really need?"
* "What did I come to Amsterdam for?"
* "Am I throwing away my chance to find other solutions?"
* "If I'm bored NOW, how will it be after month, two, six, twelve!?"
And of course making me quite the bitch to be around at the house.
So with the house's blessings, I finally managed to say no to "future" and yes to something else.
Now, I'm (happily) unemployed but not un-busy, figuring out the next steps towards a sustainable life-solution for myself. Still slightly scared of how will it all go, but most days happy to be on my path instead someone else's.
(* originally posted as a reply-comment to this quote)
