i would rather be dumpster-diving

Yesterday, I had a date with Mr. X. If I had known it was going to be a date, I wouldn't have shown up at all. I was there for a job interview, which he had contacted me for through the CouchSurfing website, no less. However, upon arrival, he seemed to think that it was an interview for him, for the position of getting up my skirt. Needless to say, I wasn't amused. Even if I wasn't still in love (and I am still) with my ex-boyfriend, who makes everyone else look lazy/stupid/ugly in comparison, this Mr. X guy was irrationally boring in a half-camatose, sleepy-eyed, un-annunciated sort of way, with a very weird and somehow slimy, un-becoming accent. That aside, he just didn't "get it".

We went to some 4-star hotel's private 20th anniversary cocktail party in Sultanahamet. There was a full büfe (Turkish buffet) dinner, with drinks, mezeler, entrées, salad bar, fruit bar, and desserts. The food was hotel food for rich people; it was not organic, not made with love, not home-cooked deliciousness. The entire time, I thought to myself "I would have been more impressed, and it would have tasted much better, if it had all been thrown away and rescued from the dumpster," recalling how my friend Yan recovered a banquet reception's feast one Friday night in Montréal. I also thought about my friend Gönen, who instinctively returns the sugar cubes from his teas to waiters because he doesn't like anything going to waste, not even the sugar cubes. I wondered aloud what happens to all of the untouched leftover food. "A service collects it and distributes it to the poor," Mr. X explained. I said, "How can you be sure?" "Do you want to see for yourself, or take food home?" I considered it, but didn't feel motivated to stay for a long enough time that would be required, nor did I feel like troubling the hotel workers to give me a take-away box, since they looked just about as out-of-place and unhappy as I was.

Mr. X. admired the wealthy people around us: famous Turkish business people, tourism industry typhoons, rich men with big eyebrows and their over-sized bleached-blonde wives whom they don't sleep with anymore but do buy pearls for and take to cocktail parties, like this one. Rich Turks look like rich Europeans: bloated and baby-faced, stuffed up on a certain sense of ignorance and naïveté; artificial and remarkably un-beautiful. In comparison, I looked small and real, and alive. Mr. X also seemed to notice that about me in his own sleepy-eyed way, as he boringly tried bad pick-up lines on me in his ever-so-monotone voice. I wanted to laugh in his face, except for the fact that I was shocked by his incredibly bad attempts. So, I stared back at him, "You just don't get it, do you?"

On the way out, I asked him about the military in Turkey, as we entered a crowd of people, making rather incendiary remarks about how compulsory military service is an absurd and outdated system of brainwashing. He said, "In Turkey, there are two things that make a man A MAN: one is military service, which all men must do, and the other is circumcision." I raised my brows and laughed, "Well, I'm sure glad to NOT be a man, in that case!" And I meant it. He took that as an opportunity to try stupid lines on me again, "Are you sure you're not a man? Can I check for myself?" "I don't need your confirmation, thanks." He responded in a desperate puppy dog-like voice, "Yeah, cause you're pretty." And I could hardly believe he was still trying. "You just don't GET IT, do you?"

I wished, to myself, that I had been the lucky one to find that feast in the dumpster and reclaim it for a big impromptu party of people who understood.

(Photos to be added, once I find a card-reader)


amylin's picture


yeah, well, guy's not been so active at all on cs. but i put out a message on the istanbul group on tuesday night, saying that i've been living in istanbul for a while, don't have a steady job yet, and was wondering if there were any jobs that could be worked one day at a time, paid in cash.

he messaged me saying that he runs a tourism company and they need people occasionally to pick up guests at the airport, welcome them to istanbul & make sure they find their vehicles to drive them to hotels. ok. a friend of mine did a similar work here before, and said "yeah, it's cool, you can also do this for a company that runs music festivals, picking up bands from the airport. you don't drive, you just meet the people, say 'hi' and speak in english or whatever."

the guy who messaged me said, "ok, well, if you'd like to meet this evening, we will be attending a small party for a hotel we used to be affiliated with, and we can talk about the work, then." so, i said "sure." he said "there will be free food and drinks, anyway, and then we can talk in person." i said, "sounds good." so, you can imagine my surprise at his totally un-cool behaviour.

but the fact that he is really extremely inactive on cs makes me think it's not really even worth noting anything. i don't think he hosts people, meets people, or goes to parties, normally, so i don't know why he responded to my post. whatever. i had another bad experience recently with another cs guy who wanted to meet up one afternoon, and also didn't seem to understand that i found him really boring and he kept on trying to flirt with me in a really cocky way (as if i would even be interested in him?! he was boring me to death!), and i finally just told him he had to leave because he was being disrespectful and stupid.

actually, i wasn't thinking of posting references, because really, i just don't understand what the hell was going through the minds of these guys. sure, they bothered me, but in this oddly passive way (by passive i mean, they bothered me with words not so much actions) of harassment. i think most women can stand up for themselves in that case, or maybe some of them do get interested in these types of boring-boring guy-guys, but i'm just not one of them.

star's picture


MAN Amylin! That's not a fun situation! I think we've all been there too, wanting to crawl up the drapes just to get out of an overly fancy stuffed-up room. Big hugs to you in Turkey, via Star in Berkeley CA!

I'm most concerned that he contacted you via CS -- have you considered publicly noting his inappropriate behavior (you thought it was a job interview?)