My dramatic goodbye/see ya later to Casa.

So in the overwhelming emotional tornado that hit me a few days before I left I forgot to leave my farewell to all of you in the book. I tried to explain how I felt to Robin Heather and Marc at the Vrouw but we were drunk of course, so I want to give everyone a proper thank you and goodbye message.Let's make it a dramatic goodbye why don't we. We all know how I love those... so here we go.

Now that I am back in Canada , back at "home" and in the same meaningless routine that I tried to run away from, I find memories flowing back to me, feelings, echos of old laughter in my ears and memories of faces that seem like ghosts now.I feel like it was all a dream.Going from the scenic streets of Amsterdam to the boring buildings and ghost towns of Ontario, dutch weather to minus twenty and snow, bikes to cars, laughter to anger and from family to my other family.I can't possibly begin to express how much I miss you all, and home.

Before I came to Europe I was always in a shell, i buried myself away as much as possible because I was always so afraid that if people got to know me , they would let me down or they would be disappointed.My confidence in myself and other people was extremely low, I really didn't like "people" let's say. I feel like I was walking through life hiding behind a mask, people always judged me on how I looked and nothing else and so I never let anyone really get to know me.I was so afraid when I was first coming to the Casa because I felt like I was being thrown into a situation where I was going to be torn apart.Shaun really wanted to move there though , so I thought why not?. The first while as most of you all know , I thought you were all crazy , and that Robin was evil.Obviously things changed...

All of a sudden Casa was home , everyone became family and I came to a new realization that people were not as terrible as I had always thought, in fact I was surprised at just how kind everyone was there ( a little freaky at times, kind of like a weird cult) and how all of a sudden I didn't feel like I was hiding anymore.No one judged me on my appearance (really) or on what I had to say but just excepted who everyone was.

Through my adventures through Europe the places I went , the things I seen. Whenever anyone asks what my favorite part was I say my family.The people I met, and whenever they ask what the worst part was, I say leaving and saying goodbye. But I guess that's what makes these relationship's you develop while traveling so intense. It's all so bittersweet, and you will always wonder when and If you will ever see these people again.But you know when you do meet again , its going to be FUCKING AWSOME haha!!!! SO thank you for everything , everyone , for so many laughs hugs and great times, for picking me up when I have been down, making fun of me while I was crying (you know who you are) and for dealing with my craziness for almost a year.LOVE YOU ALL... see some of you in hell muahahaha :D.

Ps. I left a piece of myself behind at the Casa, not my heart cause that's in my chest, but possibly my greatest gift... The gift of Katherine hair.


heather's picture



topi's picture

Life is all about movement,

Life is all about movement, change, dynamics... I don't remember who said that, maybe some wise indian guys.

Even though my goodbye to casa wasn't very dramatic, since I am still here in Amsterdam, though in a different address, I can relate to the things that you have experienced. Somehow, long ago, I also started on a journey from insignificance to mastering my own fate.

It's funny that you were one of the first persons I encountered in Casa, when I had my crisis of coming back from Finland to live in a boat that was in a very bad shape when I came back to A'dam, and also one of the those persons that were persistently present in Casa during many months :) 'persistently' not having any negative connotations here. I guess life has its ways of teaching us many things, if we just manage to listen to that. Living in Casa is such an experience that it widens up our views on life and makes it somehow possible to believe in something else than the model we've been fed with the school and the media and the society, life with a job, a wife with 1.5 kids, a dog and a car to bring those to school/whatever. The society tries to externalise all sorts of human interactions behind the veil of money. This makes it so hard to believe in the beautiful things in life.

If you can't forget Amsterdam, or leave the ghosts of Casa behind, you can always visit the place after a while, after your thought patterns have taken other shapes. Don't believe in static life!

Sma's picture

amazing, see ya later

next time i find some Katherine hair i'll make a shrine so you`ll always be present in the casa :P maybe a voodoo doll we can poke you wherever you are.