I am back home now, and riding my bike back I though, I am going to bed happy.I was pretty stressed in the morning and I spent some time talking to P and a bit to A and then put my feet on the street and started actually doing the things that I had left to do today. I broke a bit the blockage.I mean, I had been doing things also, but unorganised and uncontinuously, due to the constant invasion of thoughts in my head. People told me, "if you don't want to make this exhibition, just don't do it". I explained, it was important, we were planning this since february, I said I'd do a task, I already started it and I won't allow myself to runaway. But still, it's hard to focus. Because my mind is somewhere else and I lose motivation. My trick is to spread the big task in smaller tasks... I have to clean tetra paks, so that I can stick the exhibition on it. I have to bring veggies to S, so that they can prepare the food. I have to pick up the pictures in the fotolab in Prenzlauerberg. I have to collect all the golden trash and bring it to the Exhibition place. I have to eat food at some point and drink water all the time... And this way it all seems much simpler and I get on the move and it works. As soon as I started drawing shapes and cutting carboard I felt a big relief after long, long days and nights. Just for the feel of the cardboard and the pencil and the cutter. I met Lucian on the way back. It was like a providence, I was so glad to see him. And then the second providence, Chloe asked me if I needed help. And came over, and we spoke about our last month while packing and cycling. And she said very nice things to me. The world turned at least 90º from the place it seemed to be the last 3 days. And then we went there and the other T&E crew were as usual so diligent and energetic that we joined the flow and prepared the exhibition on the tetra paks, and Julia was selling with help of many kids the wonderful cakes and wraps they all prepared, and Judith was painting the tabe tops with the kids, and Kito was building the frame of the Kiezmobil together and Chloe was making candle holders and a golden girl. And it all was fine, really. All this fear I had, felt so ridiculous. And I saw how many people around me, people cooking, people giving me advice, listening, coming by, had been there for me just like that! And after we visited the Beauty Saloon in Ida Nowhere and the Graffiti Research Lab, that let everyone project light grafitti on a 20 m wall somwhere in Flughafenstr. with a cargo bike system they built themselves. Just thank you
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