Casa Robino

According to my last month's assessment, I failed on losing the three pounds I aimed at. Fair enough, I could say: I did not exercise more than usual and I had a week of training in an hotel with a buffet. But is that all there is in the equation? Exercise and eating habits? I believe not.Most people would agree that feeling good inside, loving oneself is a first step to losing weight. Why do we eat so much? Why is it so difficult to resist a buffet, to get the energy, to feel empowered and in control of ourselves? Why does the mere though of restricting y food intake makes me hungry?I like to know that other people care for me. But how much do I really care for myself?Although I look like a confident person, I have periods of over-thinking, huge self-doubt and there are thins I definitely hate about myself. Well, it wouldn't hurt to start tackling that.For one thing - I wish to live life fully. I'm afraid my life would end tomorrow and I would have missed on something. On Lyon sausages, on dolmas, on pasta con pesto, on chili con carne, on sex, on massages, on hitchhiking and learning languages. I've always been hungry for life, and holding on to what makes me feel things more intensely. Falling in love. Moving around. Bungee jumping. Hope. Idealism. Everything.Another point worth considering: what I dislike about myself. I hate feeling like a slug because I'm not very fit. I hate my judeochristian upbringing which makes me feel guilty of having had a rich sex life. I hate that the first half of this sex life was mainly self-destructive, considering my past suicidal moods. I hate my cyclothymia. I hate separating from a lover, even if I don't really love him/her. I hate how ambiguous my financial situation is - and that I don't fit in the economical system, that it makes me feel so very uncomfortable. I hate the feeling of having lived so much and built so little.Pfew.I think it could be worse. This first portrait of that I crave and what I hate about myself isn't all that bad.For once, I believe my normal approach is useless here. I can't just list the things I will need to correct, make plans about when to train, list my food intake, go on rationally about the most systematic way to lose 3 pounds. It won't work, it never did. I think it has to be acted in a more organic, holistic way.I gotta love myself.What do I love about myself ? I love that I'm inspiring to people, even when I feel bad. I'm an extremely authentic person. I might seem like I'm over-analytical, but I actually love that side of me, trying to learn from all circumstances of my life. I love transmitting my knowledge and subtly learning from people of all walks of life. I love my breasts and my shoulders, I think they are awesome ! I love that I look great even without hair. I love that I talk a lot but know how to listen. I like that I chose my lifestyle and strive for consistency. I love that I have a remarkable memory.I gotta hate myself less.I guess that one's harder, left aside that I already nailed many things I hate a few paragraphs ago. I'm not such a slug - I learned how to run barefoot and even ran 10 km in a row last summer. I once trained to swim 1,5 km in a row. I can carry people on my back, I feel proud to do it and demonstrate my strength. My sex live makes me now a good lover, a communicator, an initiatory priestess. I eased a lot of my past lovers fears... My cyclothymia still drives my rhythms, but it's mostly under control. My last suicide attempt dates from over 10 years and although I have lived a second major depressive episode since, I overcame it with patience. I'm currently investing time in my longest love relationship in.. well, to be honest, I think longest ever without a break. I'm currently paying back my student loan and trying to build a stream of income through writing and conferences - things I both really enjoy doing. For once I am determined to build something, I'm committed to these projects.I don't know if writing these things will help me lighten my waist and thighs. But what I'm sure of is that I already feel a wee bit lighter.And proud.